Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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