Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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