Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
