Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
