well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
