my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
