PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
