after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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