true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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