i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
