So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
