I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
