Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How does one acquire holy water?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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