What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
