i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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