So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
