It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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