So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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