it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
