Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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