my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
