WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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