my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
