So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
