Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
