Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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