That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
