Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
