I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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