five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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