They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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