Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
