Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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