Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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