The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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