plz talk dirty to me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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