I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
