is your mom at the bar?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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