Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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