I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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