Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
