I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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