How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
