No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
