In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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