FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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