We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we should paint friendship bongs
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
