I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize