JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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