So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
