well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
