guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
