u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
