Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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