I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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