Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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