Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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