Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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