Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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