Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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