I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
