i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
