Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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