Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
