i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
