if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
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