I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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