I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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