Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize