My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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