I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
