i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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