I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
