think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
