i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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