Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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